There is a moment.

The moment might start and finish in a millionth of a second, or it might linger on for days.

It’s the moment when you know you have to make a conscious choice. That moment when you have to choose between accepting that you have made a mistake, or ending a friendship or relationship, or the moment when you realise that someone you love has let you down or, worse, you have let someone that loves you down. The moment when you realise that your kids needed something from you and – in that moment – you haven’t been present to give it to them. The moment when you see for the first time that someone loves you, hates you, feels threatened by you, needs more from you, or that they just don’t think about you anymore.

The conscious choice you have to make in all of these moments is whether you want to move on and past the person’s challenge to you, still in their life but with having made the changes you need to make to have that happen, or stopping to evaluate yourself in the situation, making the decision whether or not you even want to make the changes needed to continue in their life, or if you just don’t feel like you have the space for them and their spirit in your life anymore.

As I continue in my recovery, I feel these moments, more and more acutely, every time they happen. And I am realising, more and more, that I don’t have to go to the choice that was more or less automatic before: accepting their appraisal of me and making the changes they want me to make straight away.

I guess you might say that I am becoming more ruthless when it comes to people and relationships these days, but the truth is that there are seven billion humans on this planet, and I am too old and have too much value to lose sleep over whether or not I am ENOUGH for one or two of those seven billion people right now.

 

 

Hey, sometimes we might need to change. But we will need to make that change for ourselves, not for anyone else.

 

 

I honestly don’t know why we keep trying – sometimes for years – to convince someone of our worth and value as a person when they can’t see it themselves.

Because while we are desperately trying to make one person love us, and that same person just wants us to keep changing in order for them to be able to be in love (and control) of us, we are literally pushing away loads of other people who can see and appreciate the value that we hold right now, without changing one thing about us.

Hey, sometimes we might need to change. But we will need to make that change for ourselves, not for anyone else.

If someone demands you change, and you agree and start trying to keep them happy and becoming who THEY want you to be, eventually those people either have to be satisfied with the effort you are making, or you have to just them go.

Otherwise, one day you will wake up, and you will have completely changed who you are – for them – but you will realise it will never be enough. You will never change enough for them.

We are all born with the same inherent human value, warts and all, and that value you have as a baby doesn’t change as you get older.

If someone else can’t see your value, that’s OK, that’s their loss.

And those moments when you have to decide whether to change for someone, whether they might need to meet you where you are, and even the moments when you realise that someone else is right and trying to change yourself might actually have some merit, those moments happen more and more when you are more aware of who you are, who you want to be, and how far you have grown.

But the moment that someone tells you that you are not ENOUGH, is the moment that you have to let them go.

You ARE enough, you always have been.

And if someone else can’t see that, go and speak to one of the other seven billion people also living on this planet, because if someone can’t see the value you bring to their life, they are a waste of your time, your energy, and your spirit.

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There is a moment.

The moment might start and finish in a millionth of a second, or it might linger on for days.

It’s the moment when you know you have to make a conscious choice. That moment when you have to choose between accepting that you have made a mistake, or ending a friendship or relationship, or the moment when you realise that someone you love has let you down or, worse, you have let someone that loves you down. The moment when you realise that your kids needed something from you and – in that moment – you haven’t been present to give it to them. The moment when you see for the first time that someone loves you, hates you, feels threatened by you, needs more from you, or that they just don’t think about you anymore.

The conscious choice you have to make in all of these moments is whether you want to move on and past the person’s challenge to you, still in their life but with having made the changes you need to make to have that happen, or stopping to evaluate yourself in the situation, making the decision whether or not you even want to make the changes needed to continue in their life, or if you just don’t feel like you have the space for them and their spirit in your life anymore.

As I continue in my recovery, I feel these moments, more and more acutely, every time they happen. And I am realising, more and more, that I don’t have to go to the choice that was more or less automatic before: accepting their appraisal of me and making the changes they want me to make straight away.

I guess you might say that I am becoming more ruthless when it comes to people and relationships these days, but the truth is that there are seven billion humans on this planet, and I am too old and have too much value to lose sleep over whether or not I am ENOUGH for one or two of those seven billion people right now.

I honestly don’t know why we keep trying – sometimes for years – to convince someone of our worth and value as a person when they can’t see it themselves.

Because while we are desperately trying to make one person love us, and that same person just wants us to keep changing in order for them to be able to be in love (and control) of us, we are literally pushing away loads of other people who can see and appreciate the value that we hold right now, without changing one thing about us.

Hey, sometimes we might need to change. But we will need to make that change for ourselves, not for anyone else.

If someone demands you change, and you agree and start trying to keep them happy and becoming who THEY want you to be, eventually those people either have to be satisfied with the effort you are making, or you have to just them go.

Otherwise, one day you will wake up, and you will have completely changed who you are – for them – but you will realise it will never be enough. You will never change enough for them.

We are all born with the same inherent human value, warts and all, and that value you have as a baby doesn’t change as you get older.

If someone else can’t see your value, that’s OK, that’s their loss.

And those moments when you have to decide whether to change for someone, whether they might need to meet you where you are, and even the moments when you realise that someone else is right and trying to change yourself might actually have some merit, those moments happen more and more when you are more aware of who you are, who you want to be, and how far you have grown.

But the moment that someone tells you that you are not ENOUGH, is the moment that you have to let them go.

You ARE enough, you always have been.

And if someone else can’t see that, go and speak to one of the other seven billion people also living on this planet, because if someone can’t see the value you bring to their life, they are a waste of your time, your energy, and your spirit.

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *